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I know it’s a couple-days late, but I’ve got a decent New Year’s resolution I’d like to share with you all. I thought I’d share it here since I don’t really have any friends, and so there’d be a public record of me saying this....
For a while now, I’ve been very inconsiderate of the person closest to me, and I’ve been taking her feelings for granted because she was accepting of everything I say and do. Because of this, I became too comfortable living in a “consequence-free” (there were consequences, obviously, just nothing extreme) relationship and crossed into territory that hurt her feelings and disposition towards me, unrepairably so: I basically shouted to her face, “I don’t need you” in a heated family dispute. That was the worst thing I think I could have said to her... and what was worse was that I truly meant it at the time; it wasn’t simple emotional backlash. I didn’t apologize until much later because it didn’t occur to me that my needs aren’t what come first; it is her’s. This happened several months ago, and the New Year was an ultimatum day, so to speak.
In all the time I had to reflect on what happened, I honestly couldn’t think of anything that would heal what I’ve done, and so, my resolution is that I will break up with her. There was only one way I could have hurt her, and in the dire moment where my true colors had surfaced, I did just that, instead of putting her first. She refuses to punish me, but I can see how much harm I’ve dealt, and I can’t live like that! I have decided to punish myself because what I’ve done was unacceptable on every level possible.
We’ve talked this through, and she understands why I’m doing this. So, don’t get me wrong, I’m not further supporting the terrible thing I said to her last year.... I just need her to be happy, and her happiness is derived from my own, and I cannot be happy seeing her in such a state.
I’m going to leave for a long while. I don’t know how long it’ll be, so I want you all to know that I’ll miss you and this place. I got to know some really nice people and learn a lot of new things because of my involvement in this quiet community.
noRain_noRainbow
about 6 years agoI know it’s a couple-days late, but I’ve got a decent New Year’s resolution I’d like to share with you all. I thought I’d share it here since I don’t really have any friends, and so there’d be a public record of me saying this....
For a while now, I’ve been very inconsiderate of the person closest to me, and I’ve been taking her feelings for granted because she was accepting of everything I say and do. Because of this, I became too comfortable living in a “consequence-free” (there were consequences, obviously, just nothing extreme) relationship and crossed into territory that hurt her feelings and disposition towards me, unrepairably so: I basically shouted to her face, “I don’t need you” in a heated family dispute. That was the worst thing I think I could have said to her... and what was worse was that I truly meant it at the time; it wasn’t simple emotional backlash. I didn’t apologize until much later because it didn’t occur to me that my needs aren’t what come first; it is her’s. This happened several months ago, and the New Year was an ultimatum day, so to speak.
In all the time I had to reflect on what happened, I honestly couldn’t think of anything that would heal what I’ve done, and so, my resolution is that I will break up with her. There was only one way I could have hurt her, and in the dire moment where my true colors had surfaced, I did just that, instead of putting her first. She refuses to punish me, but I can see how much harm I’ve dealt, and I can’t live like that! I have decided to punish myself because what I’ve done was unacceptable on every level possible.
We’ve talked this through, and she understands why I’m doing this. So, don’t get me wrong, I’m not further supporting the terrible thing I said to her last year.... I just need her to be happy, and her happiness is derived from my own, and I cannot be happy seeing her in such a state.
I’m going to leave for a long while. I don’t know how long it’ll be, so I want you all to know that I’ll miss you and this place. I got to know some really nice people and learn a lot of new things because of my involvement in this quiet community.
Thank you.