If Money cannot buy happiness, I guess I will have to rent it :)
Johnny Dangerously
Yo mama's so fat, after sex she smokes turkeys.
In Living Color

Literally the funniest Yo Mama joke, and one of funniest jokes in general, I have ever heard.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because everyone wanted to know why he did it.

Why did the chicken walk back and stop in front of a car?
The people on the other side were the same.
-Mr.peanutbutter
18-6-2019
"He's a real Bobby Dazzler, 'im."
My new favorite Brit/Aussie slang term.
My life is like ice cream.

It's melting.
-Mr.peanutbutter
24-6-2019

Mod Edit:
Why does an idiot with sleeping problems take a frying pan to bed?

To hit himself in the head and fall asleep.
-Mr.peanutbutter
25-6-2018
1. That's kinda not what this thread is for.
2. No double posting within 24 hours.

Ass, cash, or grass; no one rides for free.
otaku_emmy said:
1. That's kinda not what this thread is for.
Created a new one

otaku_emmy said:
2. No double posting within 24 hours.
Thought it was possible because it was technically spread out between two days :I
Mr.peanutbutter said:
Thought it was possible because it was technically spread out between two days :I
The post you made before the last said "12 hours ago", and we don't really count it like one day vs. another. 12 hours is 12 hours.

Making a post at 11 PM and then following that with another at 11 AM, for example, doesn't count as a day, or 24 hour period.
“It’s just pathetic to give up on something before you even give it a shot.” – Reiko Mikami
“Every journey begins with a single step. We just have to have patience.” – Milly Thompson
“The ticket to the future is always open.” – Vash The Stampede
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
Song of Songs 8:7
Life is a bitch and she is back in heat.
I came to kick as and chew bubble gum and I am all out of bubble gum.
The world needs a wake up call and we are going to phone it in.
They live. (1988), directed by John Carpenter.
Oh, the torment bred in the race, the grinding scream of death and the stroke that hits the vein, the heamorrhage none can staunch, the grief, the curse no man can bear.

But there is a cure in the house and not outside it, no, not from others but from them, their bloody strife. We sing to you, dark gods beneath the earth.

Now hear, you blissful powers underground - answer the call, send help. Bless the children, give them triumph now.

Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers
Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs to be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal.

William Penn, More fruits of Solitude
If you want to know where i found these, they were written on one of the fist pages of Harry Potter and the deathly hallows.
лобок вор, но быстр и топор
(The thief was fast and agile, but the hatchet faster.}
One of many cute signs on the walls of a Gourmet Coffee Shop.
“Friendship is something ...that defies both words and logic.”
A Silent Voice